Three years ago, when I started this, I mindlessly jotted “finding my way to whatever I find” as the tagline, simply because I had no idea where this adventure in teaching would take me. Well, the time is done, and the blog will close. So where am I now?
I am one year further than I thought I’d be.
I am three years stronger than I thought I could be.
And I am twenty-five years more blessed than I deserve to be.
My heart is five hundred children bigger than it used to be.
My heart is a few premature graves deeper than it used to be.
But my heart is a hundred hills higher than it used to be.
I’ve read over some of my journal entries-there weren’t many-from the last three years, listened to the playlist of music I created to characterize the last few years, and driven a few hundred miles while ruminating on my community’s kindness to me when I left. The few times I wrote my first year, I usually was telling myself, “You have to do this so you never forget how excruciating this is–so you can never look back and say it wasn’t that bad.” I’m not sure why that was so important to me then, but now I appreciate that I did because it means that the depth of joy and thanks can’t be undermined with anything trite or shallow.
Where am I now? And what have I discovered on the way?
When I was in the depths of my struggle my first year, I just prayed that somehow God would make me a good teacher–one of those desperate prayers of “If you just do this for me I’ll give you all the glory for it” prayers when you feel like you’re praying for the impossible. And yet, He always seems to answer with “You’re asking too small…”
Where am I? What have I found?
I am blessed.
I am blessed.