A Journey to the Unexpected

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Nov 28 2012

Some Nights

I’m crawling into bed, not because the work is done, but because my eyes just can’t focus anymore. I’ll be up a little earlier than usual to write down test scores tomorrow. Rather than the cathartic journaling that is sometimes required to sleep, however, I’m blogging, since the whole point of this thing is to remind other CMs that you’re not alone… even you second years out there. Some nights, you might need the reminder, like I do…

…when I have weeks where I’m at or en route to school for 14 hours a day without planning period or lunch to speak of.

…when I’m up at one because grades decided to be due right after the online software I used decided to get turned inside out.

…when I pick this particular point in time to make my students reconsider their entire individual impact on the global community, view of human nature, and basic raison d’etre, otherwise known as delving into controversial and delicate research projects in modern slavery and human rights… somehow class becomes a delicate balance of juggling academia and the human soul.

…when five-day workweeks suddenly turn into six, and I can’t help but find it ironic that my students’ parents tell them to go to college so they won’t be stuck working 60 hour weeks… and those things called weekends are a thing of the past.

…when I just can’t resist staying after that 4 hour staff meeting to watch my boys finish their basketball game, and lose what was left of my voice because when you’re sitting with their moms and you see those babies workin’ like a team, well, middle school sports actually ARE that exciting.

…when I’m dragging myself across the floor and I’m reminded that I don’t have the personal strength inside me to slap a smile on my face, but that’s ok, because you’ve got Someone who’ll help me out, and that’s what I’ve always needed after all.

…when I’m feeling crummy and start thinking about last year, and I remember that this IS better, and the whole goal of THIS year was, in fact to have what would usually be a “normal” first year teacher’s life, so I’m makin’ it alright after all.

…when I know, as grumpy as I may be, and as exhausted as I may be, that there’s at least a couple fourteen year old faces that are going to make coming to school tomorrow feel so beyond worth it.

No, this isn’t what I thought I was getting myself into.

But man you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things, they can come from some terrible, terrible nights.

No Responses Yet

    Post a comment